Monday, 17 August 2015

It's rant time

I'm warning you all up front; 98 percent of readers will probably disagree with every point I make here. Well, it's not up for discussion. They are my opinions and I am allowed to have them any way I like. I do not have to like something just because the rest of the world does.

First on the list *holds up long list of subjects*. Ah yes.


Words cannot describe how much the hype over this overpriced overrated hipster magnet of a coffee shop annoys me.

It's just a freaking coffee. People lose their shit over Starbucks every day, all over Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr. I just sit there like...who cares? And the people who go "I can't start my day without going to Starbucks" you know how much money you are wasting on shit?

And there are the people who say 'Oh, you're just jealous because you don't have it where you live, trust me it's amazing'

Well trust me honey, it's not that. I had Starbucks when I went to Melbourne, and it tasted like every other overpriced shitty coffee I've ordered in my life.


My next rant is *squints at list*...

The Breakfast Club

What the hell is all the hype over this boring ass movie anyway? Everyone on Tumblr always GIFs it and says 'THE MOST AMAZING MOVIE EVER, SO MANY TRUE STATEMENTS'

A movie can raise many very valuable points and still be a pile of shit, just saying. The characters are six of the most cliche high schoolers ever. It has plot line. And it's slow and boring. Why do people like it?

If you want a truly amazing movie, watch The Impossible. Or Maidentrip. Now THAT is amazing.

Ok. Onto the next one...

OUAT, Teen Wolf, Vampire Diaries, etc

I may have never properly watched these shows but I loathe them. I've seen snippets and they feel incredibly juvenile. Especially OUAT. I saw one episode of that, and it was honestly so awkward ad badly written.

One Direction, 5SOS

I know a girl older than me (I'm almost 19) who FOLLOWED 5SOS AROUND AUSTRALIA and actively tried to find them in public to meet them. You FREAKING WONDER WHY THEY AVOID FANS SO MUCH! She was like in her blog 'We were respectful of their privacy', no you bloody weren't, the second you got wind of where they were, you ran off to try and intercept them. It's stalking! You're delusional!

Fans like that are why I hate One Direction and 5SOS. Don't get me wrong, that's not the only reason (I'm not a fan of boy bands, and there isn't really a clear reason why), but yeah, it's one of the big ones.

I'm going to stop there before I give everyone a reason to hate me. You can bitch at me all you like, but it won't change my opinions on these things. I hate them.

Wednesday, 12 August 2015

Rough Days

Just as a forewarning, this post is about something quite personal that happened to me recently, and I will not be going into details of that event. I would also appreciate not being asked to divulge what happened - the people I wanted to speak to about it, I have already spoken to, and it was a small number of very close friends.

Almost two weeks ago, I had a long discussion with someone very close to me. Now this discussion took place at three in the morning, and in hindsight, I should've known how that was going to end from the start. Nothing good ever comes from a 3am discussion about ANYTHING.

However, I wouldn't say it was all bad either.

Yes, I ended up heartbroken, and yes, that hurt like hell. But I'm alive. I'm ok.

It was a horribly confusing next few days. See, I am the worst kind of person. And by that, I mean I literally cannot decide on anything. I can't decide on food, I can't decide on how I feel, I can't decide what mind numbing task I want to do to prevent me being bored. I literally cannot decide a single thing in my life. But then, in terms of not being able to decide how I feel, once I decide how I feel, I usually repress that feeling and hope it will go away because as well as being indecisive, I also can't confront anything. At all.

So, this particular feeling that I had to confront and be honest about a couple of weeks one I have known about for almost two and a half years. I know I'm being vague, but I want to protect the details of what happened.

After the entire thing was over, I felt numb. Partly because I was freezing my ass off on my friend's bedroom floor, and partly because I didn't exactly know how to react. I fell asleep feeling rather troubled and woke up feeling even more confused. Only I had one more feeling to add to the mix that morning - hurt.

I drove home in a daze, and that freaking song from Fast 7 kept insisting on playing, which didn't make me feel any better.

I didn't realise it at the time because I felt so out of sorts, but I was pretty pissed off. I didn't want to be, and I couldn't feel it, so I assumed I wasn't. But after a couple of days passed, I went 'Ok, I'm pissed'. But now I actually feel ok.

I know some people may be thinking 'It's not REAL heartbreak if you're over it in two weeks'. Well, I'm not over it yet...but I have accepted it and I truly am doing just fine. It'll be some time before I actually start to move on, I think, but that's ok. I can manage. I'm truly fortunate that the person involved in the other half of this equation is one of my closest friends. They are one of the kindest most understanding people I've come to know, and I'm thankful it was them I went through all this crap with because it could've been seriously awkward had it been ANYONE else.

I held fast to the things I love to get me through those rough few days following. I wrote in my writer's journal like a crazy person. I sang along to my music, like fully belting it out as I drove down the freeway to and from uni. And most of all?

I clung to Divergent.

It sounds silly, I know. It's just a book series.

But to me, it's more than that. It's incredibly inspiring. I reminded myself to be brave like Tris. I prided myself on the level of honesty I had showed that night. I've never been so openly and brutally honest with people before, because it's hard for me to talk about such personal things like that. I told myself that I would have made Candor proud (anyone who has read Divergent will understand that).

I drew Tris' bird tattoo in the front of my writing journal as a reminder to myself to be brave, to be honest, and to be selfless.

Who knows, I might get it as a tattoo one day :)

Now it's getting so cold that my fingers can't exactly type, so I'm gonna end this here with one last note.

I'm doing fine. Thank you to everyone who listened to me rant over the past week. I love and trust you all immensely. You know who you are.

And to the person who knows every inch of what this is about...thank you for being who you are. You truly are an incredible person and I would trust you with my life.

I've been so vague and wishy washy, but that's ok. This whole blog is a mess, an accurate representation of my life. Lol. Ok, truly ending here.

Tuesday, 4 August 2015

Concert Shenanigans

After my last post, I realised I have an entire gold mine of stories from my 15 dance concerts that I hope are a guarantee to make anyone laugh. I'm a bit of a klutz, and that sometimes leads to hilarity on the TWO nights of my life where I need to pull it together.

I don't remember my earlier years, but a good one that I have a vivid memory of was the year I did a penguin tap dance. I was 4 years old, and had the cutest little penguin costume, and a little penguin beak hat, with my little black tap shoes....

As I was doing a shuffle about a minute in, my tap shoe flew off. No joke. Sailed right through the air like a gliding bird. Being 4, my natural instinct was to run forward, pick it up, sit down RIGHT THERE ON THE STAGE, and put my shoe back on.

Dear god.

After that, everything's mostly splotchy. Until the last few years. And I tell you...from the age of about 16, I've had at least one absolutely hilarious mishap per year.


In 2012, I had a grand total of three mishaps in one night. The first came in my jazz dance. I had two friends watching that night, and they were fairly close to the stage. So what happened when I came out on stage and inadvertently made eye contact?

I started laughing.

And then I couldn't stop.

And then they realised I was laughing uncontrollably and they started laughing.

It was bad.

Luckily I managed to pull myself together before Sharon realised what I was doing.

Later on, during the acro number, I actually hit my headstand (which I had fallen out of on both previous nights), and I exclaimed on stage 'I did it!'. The girls within hearing distance started laughing and we all nearly toppled over.

Then not 30 seconds later, I was coming out of a three person balance, stepped on the girl below me's ankle, lost my footing, and fell flat on my ass. I sat there for a second, slightly stunned, and laughed, because I wished it had been caught on video.


In 2013, I only did two items - hip-hop and acro.

In hip-hop, we had to use basketballs.

Yep. Basketballs. What a recipe for disaster.

Of all the times it could've gone wrong, it was the night of the concert when we filmed the video.

As we were all coming out on stage, someone dropped their basketball. It bounced off of someone else's, sending both of them ricocheting off in another direction. One girl cut across me when she was supposed to go behind me, and accidentally kicked mine away. I had to run after it. We had been told if we dropped them, to run after them.

We finally got into position, and then another girl's basketball went rolling down the middle of the stage. It was hilarious.

Then later in the dance, we did this trick where we threw the ball up in the air, did a full turn, and caught it again. I panicked a bit, threw it a bit wildly, and had to lunge for it to stop it bouncing into the audience.

Next was acro. A mammoth 12 minute long dance composed of five songs and three acrobatics classes. The only time me and both of my sisters have been in the same routine.

During the last song, us seniors had to lift up two of the smaller seniors above our heads and carry them out like you would carry those ancient style carriages for royal people. I was carrying Mel with two other people, and I was positioned under her left shoulder.

Now Mel is tiny. Like, she's 24 and about 5'2. For the first time since we started doing that trick, I was having trouble supporting her. My hand almost slipped from under her just seconds before we put her down. It was actually more scary than anything.


The year of the dunce.

Basically, at the dress rehearsal, I stood up during my first jazz routine and nearly stacked it, and then punched myself in the face, how I have no idea. Then in tap, I nearly rolled my ankle. Then in hip-hop, I had to walk backwards at one point, misjudged where the line ended, and walked into one of the other girls. In acro, I fell out of my handstand way too early (I'm the only person in the class who can do a nice stag handstand, and as there was an odd number, I got to be centre front to do my handstand while everyone else did a partner trick). Then in my last jazz number, my bracelet got stuck to my tights and ripped a massive hole in them! That literally makes one incident PER DANCE!

Luckily everything went well for the actual performance.

The concert this year is in December. I hope I don't have as many problems as last year! I'll be sure to post if I do!


A Way of Life


I groan and complain about having to go every week, but I really do love to dance. Sometimes it is incredibly hard. Injuries are abound (trust me, I know), and some days your body just feels so heavy that all you can do is keep glancing at the clock hoping it's time to go home and crawl into bed.

No matter what anyone says to me, I will hold fast to the fact that dance is a sport. Seriously. I'd love to see the people who insist it isn't do what we do every week. With the way I eat, if I didn't dance, I would weigh about 300 kilograms. But I don't, I'm built like a bean pole and at least three quarters of my build has to be attributed to the 16 years of my life I have spent dancing.

My parents put me in dance the year I turned 3. It wasn't for any special reason - like how most gymnasts were put into gymnastics because of their extraordinary energy. They just thought I would like it. And I did!

I'm now almost 19, and I have really come into my own with my dancing. I'm not the most coordinated, I don't have rock hard abs like some of the girls in my class (I'm working on it though), I'm actually rather lanky and look really awkward if I don't take special care with my technique (standing at almost 5'9, I'm telling you, it takes a LOT of work), but there is something totally liberating about dancing.

I currently learn the styles of jazz, tap, hip-hop, and acrobats. Out of the four, acrobats is definitely my favourite. I was gifted with a naturally elastic back, which means I can manage all sorts of fun little tricks that lots of the other girls can't.

Dance comes with a price though. I have sacrificed the ability to go a day without feeling an ache somewhere. I have this awesome ability to injure myself. It's actually become a bit of a running gag at dancing. Sharon (the teacher) is just used to it now. Over the years, I have accumulated many bruises, sore spots, and other weird little injuries. As I got older, however, I started becoming more aware of what I'd actually done. This is the running tally at the moment.

  • Subluxated my left shoulder doing a backflip. I have been told by my doctor that when I did that, I actually partially tore my rotator cuff (he can see the scar tissue on my x-ray), but because my shoulder was just achy and I still had full range of motion afterwards, I never got it checked out. To this day, I don't trust my shoulder doing certain things but I cope rather well.
  • Sprained my ankle doing an aerial cartwheel because I came down so short and low that I severely overflexed my ankle when I hit the floor and tore the ligament. Again, even though I was limping, I didn't get that checked. I iced it, and walked it off. I had had many short landings before that gave my ankle a bit of a jolt, and assumed I'd done it again. I do see an osteopath who has gradually reinjured the scarred ligament and helped me heal it correctly. No, I'm not reckless. I actually have a reasonably high pain tolerance. I have to when you read the next point.
  • Developed neuritis which radiates from underneath my left shoulder blade and down my back. This was caused by an invisible virus which did nothing but give me EXCRUCIATING back pain in January last year. I thought it was bad posture causing it because when the pain started, I literally couldn't straighten my back up all the way, but I still had to go to work. There is nothing they can do to actually get rid of this, but it's ok because it doesn't flare up too often. If I get stressed out, upset, or don't watch my posture properly, it starts to flare up. All I can do is manage my pain with painkillers when I have a flare.
  • Punched the floor (intentionally) during a contemporary dance and gave myself a blackened wrist for a week. That hurt.
  • About two weeks ago, during a tap routine, I misplaced a movement and hit myself in the bony part of my big toe joint with the metal plate of the tap shoe. Since then, my foot has had a bit of a stabbing pain during certain movements, but tonight when I landed a leap, there was this agonising shot of pain through my foot, so there may be a slight fracture in my foot that I will definitely get checked out if my foot gets any worse by tomorrow. is not all pretty costumes and well executed movements. It's a shit ton of sore muscles, sweat, hard work, and determination.

I never fully understood how emotion can fuel dance until the other day. I had a bit of a...I don't know. Let's just call it heartbreaking, moment on Sunday. I wasn't exactly angry, maybe a tiny bit pissed off, but I was mostly numb. 

Come Monday, I was feeling weird. Like...pissed off but in the most energising way ever. All I wanted to do was dance. So when I got home and my mum left to take my sisters to dancing, I turned on the cover of 'Chandelier' by PVRIS and absolutely danced my heart out.

I can safely say I have NEVER danced like that in my life. I improvised an entire contemporary/lyrical routine and it was the most emotional dance I have ever done. And I would gladly go for it again.

Dance can be a life saver. For me, it's a part of my life. Since I was 3 years old, I have danced. Even when I quit dance for good to move into the future, I will always call myself a dancer.